Cherry Coke

2008-06-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in quite some time, but as it turns out I've been working on something pretty big.............

Okay well maybe not really that big, haha. I just don't have a good excuse for my complete lack of blogging, so I thought I'd fabricate one. Rest assured I'm still alive and well. But don't worry my life hasn't gotten THAT exciting. There is one new addition though.....

That's just me and my new nephew Liam. He is 3 weeks old now, but I don't have a better picture of him. I'm sure there's way more that I could say. Like what I've been up to for the past 5 months. But I'm too cool to do that. Oh that's right. I'm "too cool." And for any of you who still aren't sure that the first picture was a joke, here's a picture taken one week later in Florida with Lele and Stephanie....

And if you're still not sure then you're a bastard.

2008-01-27T18:43:00.000-08:00

I start my new job tomorrow. Wish me luck! I'll give you more details later after I figure out more what I'm actually doing. For now I'll just describe my move to Nashville and how I'm settling in. The move itself was fairly stressful. The day we actually planned on leaving everything went horribly wrong. We made it about 10 miles outside of Pontiac then had to turn around and come home. The problem was transporting my furniture because our mode of transportation for my big bed was not working. So I had to leave my big (expensive) bed at my parents' house and bring my old twin bed that is so horribly uncomfortable I feel like I'm sleeping on a marble slab. I hate it......a lot. Originally I was hoping that my brother-in-law's parents could bring it when they come down to help him and my sister move, but now that might not work either so I have no clue when I'm going to get my nice comfortable beautiful bed back. But the rest of my stuff got here and we all got here safely the next day. My parents left after being here only a day and a half which was very unfortunate for them. I of course cried hysterically when they left. I had gotten used to seeing them every day, so it was sad seeing them leave.

However, what cheered me up was when Lindsey came to visit me. She was planning on staying a couple days but ended up staying for a whole week. We had tons of fun. She faithfully drove around with me while I tried to find a job and was even with me when I found out I got the job at UBS. We took a day to go back and visit Bryan, which turned out to be a surprisingly fun trip. It also made us feel a little old and sad. Of course when Lindsey left my heart was broken yet again because I wanted her to stay forever. I'm trying to convince her to move down here and I think I'm wearing her down.

Basically there have been some highs and lows. Saying good bye to my parents: low. Being with my sisters again: high. Trying to find a job: low. Finally getting a job: high. Lindsey coming to visit: very high. Lindsey leaving: very low. Sitting around all by myself this week: low. Starting work again tomorrow: high.

So that's my three weeks here in a nutshell. So far Stephie and I have been cohabitating quite nicely. Our cats are soon to be best friends and I hope to have pictures of our house up soon. I think in the past three weeks I've gone out more and hung out with more people than I have in the entire year and a half I was in Illinois, so hopefully that's a good sign of things to come. Meanwhile I am endeavoring to actually keep up with my blog this year, so stay tuned for more fun stories from me!

2008-01-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

"I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. That's the thing about bear attacks. They come when you least expect it. "

P.S. Actual update to follow soon. I know the 0 people who still read this are on the edge of their seats!

2007-09-13T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here are a few helpful tips from me to you:

1. If you're listening to music at your desk and want to make your pen a microphone so you can pretend to sing into it, make sure none of your co-workers are looking at you first.

2. If you're washing your hands in the bathroom and you still have the song in your head and want to start singing out loud, make sure you are actually alone in there so as to avoid the awkward coughing as a signal to let you know you are in fact not alone.

3. If someone catches you talking to yourself, immediately pretend like you were singing a song and not having a one person conversation. The good news if they caught you doing 1 and 2, they'll probably believe you.

That's all for now. I hope you've all learned a little something about workplace etiquette.

2007-08-17T17:55:00.000-07:00

What? I have not been bloggin absent for 3 months! That's crazy talk. Anyway, I'm only back because I've been tagged by Missy! Here are my 8 random facts!

1. I love neil diamond.

2. 60% of what I say is a quote from Friends. 38% of what I say is a quote from Austin Powers, 1.5 % other movies and tv shows. .5% is original thought.

3. I wash my hands 60 times a day.

4. I can say for a fact that I don't like being chased by clowns.

5. I cry more than should be humanly possible.

6. We have a scale in the bathroom at work so that women can obsessively weigh themselves during the day. One day as I was walking out I tripped over it and fell flat on the floor. I was just barely back on two feet before someone walked in. I tried to hobble out as if nothing had happened.

7. I would rather be run over by a car than be in a car with a spider in it.

8. I won't lie, sometimes I think I'm the funniest person I know.

I tag no one. It's not that important to me :).

2007-07-10T14:59:00.000-07:00

Man I should really post something new and keep everyone updated on my life.........

2007-05-31T18:48:00.000-07:00

I seriously hate my damn neighbors!!! And for no particular reason I will need the following things:

-Can of gas

-Matches

-And, an air tight alibi.

-Oh, and an old priest and a young priest, but that's a seperate issue.

Meanwhile I have to start saving my money now. Why is that, you ask? Because in 2009 the Harry Potter theme park opens up in Orlando. Color me excited! I'll be there opening day with my fake lightning bolt scar and all! Take that losers!.........I haven't got much sleep lately, don't judge me.

2007-05-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

Fun-a-thon 2007, here's what we did:

We celebrated our birthdays while we were together (We were supposed to be blowing out the candles but I was mad at the cake)

We went bowling and we all picked out the same ball. (I won) :)

We went out to dinner and ate spicy chili (well not really, but I find this picture to be amusing).

We watched a scary movie that scared us to death. (This is us after we passed out from fear)

Then we took one last picture and said goodnight. (To be fair, fun-a-thon was three days long but we only had the camera out yesterday, so this is all you get)

2007-05-24T17:21:00.000-07:00

Several things to discuss.

1. Per my previous post I am now a poodle head because I got a perm. Well a body wave, but whatever. There first couple of days were pretty rough for me. Mostly because I looked like a poodle and that was not exactly what I was picturing. Meanwhile I have since been able to wash it and it has quite tamed down and I am enjoying it much more.

2. I am beyond thrilled that So You Think You Can Dance starts tonight. I love that show. I think it's my new favorite thing about summer....Mostly because I don't have a lot going on right now.

3. Remember how last year I was offering to give away some kittens? Just for kick let's say that the offer still stands. Brand new, never been used.....I don't want to talk about it....Stupid trampy cat.

That's all for now. Keep checking back, perhaps I will post picture of my new poodle hair. We shall see.

2007-05-21T17:23:00.000-07:00

My new nickname: Poodle Head. Details to follow later.........Later when I've come to terms with said details.

2007-05-17T14:58:00.000-07:00

Cute shoes? Or cleverly disguised torture device? While you decide, I'm going to go wash the blood off my feet.

2007-05-07T15:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's Springtime for Hillbillies in Pontiac. My extremely classy neighbors had some company this weekend. Surprisingly enough there was no loud blaring music. I mean there was plenty of country music, don't get me wrong. But it was kept at a reasonable volume for most of the weekend. I can only assume that won't last long though. There was plenty of hootin' and hollerin' however. Literally--lots of hollerin'. As well as a few yee haws.........And so it begins. Hillbilly season! Darn neighbors! Luckily for you, thus also begins my non-stop complaining. Don't act like you don't like it!

Oh and I lied about keeping you posted about the little neighbor girl. She did in fact come back several time asking me to play with her. However it has been several weeks since her last journey into my yard, so I think she has finally gotten the idea that I genuinely don't want to play.

And in other good news, I am looking forward to an impending visit from friends (and/or sibling)! Yay for friends! (and/or siblings)

2007-04-10T15:04:00.000-07:00

What is wrong with this town?! Are you ready to read a book, because this is going to be long. I have some more fun stories about my neighbors. Oh no, not those neighbors. I have new best friend who lives across the street. Lucky me. A few weeks I go I pulled into my driveway and looked in my mirror and saw a little girl from across the street running over to me. She's like 6 or 7, I have no idea. I also have no idea where she came from because I've never seen her before and we don't have new neighbors. Anyway her name is Selena and let me share with you our first conversation:

Selena: "Hi, do you have a garden?"
Me: "Um, no. Why?"
Selena: "We got our hose out today and I was going to water it for you."
Me: "Well, no garden. Sorry"

(She then proceeded to talk to me at top speed without taking a breath about everything she did that day) Then she said:

"Wait right here I'm gonna go ask my grandma if I can come over to your house and play"
Me: "Noooooo, don't do that. I'm busy and I'm going to be leaving in a little bit to run some errands"
Selena: "Can I wash your car?"
Me: "Nope I'm taking it with me when I leave." (at this point I just went inside and stopped talking to her)

Then I was inside for about five minutes when I heard a knock at the door. It was the little girl again asking me if I had run my errands yet. I was like uh, nooo. Then she asked me if I wanted to play when I got back. I told her no and that I would be busy. So she asked me if I wanted to play the next day, so I told her I would always be too busy to play. Her response: "Okay, I'll come by tomorrow to see if you want to play." Then she ran back to her house.

Sure enough the next day she did come by. She knocked as hard as she could on the door and when I didn't answer that she started knocking on my windows. Then she tried to just walk in! Luckily I locked the doors so she couldn't get in. She ran back across the street and I thought that was the end of it, but just five minutes later she repeated the whole process of knocking on my door and windows and trying to come in for probably another ten minutes.

Then a few days later I heard some knocking on my door, and I was like "Well crap."
So I once again didn't answer the door until I realized that it was actually her mother returning some mail that got delivered to her house by accident. I walked out and grabbed the mail and just as I was walking back inside Selena saw me and was like "HEY!" and started running after me. I just ignored her and went inside. Her mother was like "Selena! Leave her alone! Selena, get back here!" She kept yelling, but Selena still ran all the way to my house and started knocking on the door again until her mom was like "SELENA GET BACK HERE!" Then she finally left.

End of story? No, of course not. Today I get out of my car and I'm walking towards the door when I hear "HEY! Wait....wait up." She was yelling wait because I started high speed walking towards my door. Unfortunately I didn't make it in time and she wedged herself in the doorway so I couldn't shut the door. At this point I'm more than frustrated so I just said "You need to go back home, I'm not going to play with you. I am always busy and will never be able to play with you." Her response was "Hey I came by the other day but no one answered, do you want to play now?" Me: "No, I will never be able to play" Selena: "What about tomorrow?" Me: "I will NEVER EVER EVER be able to play because I am ALWAYS too busy." Selena: "Oh, is anybody else home?" Me: "No, I have to go now." Selena: "okay then" And she ran back across the street. And I'm pretty sure that is not the last I've seen of her. I'll be sure to keep you posted. When I told my mom about her she was like "Awww, poor girl." What? Not, poor girl! Unless that girl you are referring to is me! I'm not a huge fan of children, and especially not weird kids who won't take no for an answer! How do I find these people? I'm just lucky I guess. That's all for now, thanks for sticking it out.

2007-04-06T15:02:00.001-07:00

You know what I love? I love British humor and Patrick Stewart. Now if only there was a way to combine my two loves................

Oh Jean-Luc, you slay me. Now if you don't like Patrick Stewart or British humor, don't even waste your time watching this video. Meanwhile I love it, so there.

2007-03-26T17:50:00.000-07:00

Okay so I'm bad at blogging! I get it! Let me think about some funny stories.....hhhmmm. Well Friday is garbage day and this past Friday my stupid hillbilly neighbors thought the best way to get rid of their garbage was to just pile it up at the end of their driveway. Not in a bag, not in a can, just a huge mountain of garbage!! Who does that!? And you know what I'm thinking, you just know what I'm thinking.......they should just throw themselves on top of that pile so the garbage men can get all the trash in one trip!! In actuality the garbage men surprisingly did not bother picking up Mt. Trash and today my neighbors went out and put it all in bags. What a concept! Sheesh, some people.

In other news I got to hang out with Missy and Cameron this weekend. We went shopping all day Saturday and had a good time. My favorite part was the woman at Carson's. Let me share the conversation:
Woman: "Oh cute baby!"
Missy: "Thanks." (Tries to walk away)
Woman: "What's his name?"
Missy: "Cameron." (Still trying to keep walking)
Woman: "How old is he?"
Missy: "11 weeks."
Woman: (Looks confused) "Well which one of you is the lucky mom?"
Missy: "I am"
Woman: (Looks at me) "I didn't think she looked like she just had a baby!"

Ummm, then who the hell did jerk!! She totally called me fat! I mean, come on! Geez, I get it universe! I've gained weight! You don't need to bring in a complete stranger to point it out to me!

Okay well that's all you get for now. Maybe I'll be back before a month is up, maybe not. Well, probably not. Deal with it I'm just not fun anyomore!..........my sense of humor probably got crushed by all the baby weight.

2007-02-28T15:44:00.000-08:00

February! I made it just in time! Here's what I'm thinking about today. Why on earth did I move from Tennessee??? Today I was talking to my sister and she told about how it was sunny and in the 70s. What? 70!! Sunny?! What was I thinking? I'm so completely bitter towards winter right now I'm about to go crazy. I haven't lived through winter in years and it's killing me! Why did I move back here? I thought I was getting sick of Southern people but as it turns out my neighbors are more hillbilly than anything I experienced in Tennessee! Curses on you Illinois! Curses!

2007-01-15T13:45:00.001-08:00

It's cool to only update your blog once a month. I'm assuming that everyone has completely forgotten about my blog and you probably don't remember much about me as a person. Let me just refresh your memory. My hobbies include sleeping, long walks in my sleep, and romantic candle lit naps. My turn offs are insomnia, 5 a.m., and alarm clocks. There is a good chance that I only have one thing on my mind these days.

2006-12-13T12:35:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I got a call at work. I was quite surprised because I never get calls at work. I was barely able to get "hello" out before this lady starts talking to me about some computer program she tried to install and how she couldn't get it to work and she emailed some people about it but they haven't gotten back to her yet. She went on for five minutes without letting me get a word in to tell her that I had no idea what the heck she was talking about. Finally she stops talking and I tell her that she called the wrong department because I work in books and records and that I don't know anything about computer software. And she was like "you don't?!" Then she starts telling me again about the people she emailed and how they haven't gotten back to her. This went on for another five minutes and I could not convince her that I didn't know what she was talking about because she refused to believe me. Finally I just transferred her to my supervisor, but she wasn't at her desk so the stupid lady just called me back. I eventually had to put Pat on the phone to convince her that I genuinely couldn't help her. So when my phone rang again this morning I was not thrilled. Sure enough it's that stupid woman again! And again she goes on about the computer program and how she emailed the people and they haven't emailed her back yet. I could not believe it! So I go through it all again that I have no idea what she's talking about. This is the conversation we had:
Me: I'm sorry but I work in books and records and I don't know anything about computer software.
Stupid Woman: You don't?!
Me: No I'm sorry.
SW: Who can help me with my problem then?
Me: I'm not sure.
SW: You can't help me?
Me: No I don't work with computer software.
SW: Well I emailed these people about (here she described the problem again) and they haven't emailed me back yet.
Me: Well I'm sorry, but again I really don't know anything about it.
SW: You don't how to fix the program?
Me: I'm going to transfer you to my supervisor now. Good bye
That was a considerably shortened version of our little chat, but she went on for so long asking me about the darn program she was trying to install and repeatedly asking me how to fix it I figured I would just summarize. But seriously, did she think I was just lying to her and refusing to help? I'll be sure to keep you updated if she decides to call me again.

2006-11-13T15:19:00.000-08:00

Somebody's got a case of the Mondays! And it's me. Gather round one and all and read about Rachel and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. It all began with me trying to straighten my hair this morning. When I set down my straightener I didn't quite make it onto the counter and as it started to fall I decided it would be a good idea to catch it with my bare hands. Turns out what I did instead is stick my arm right inbetween the two very hot metal parts. Giving myself two large burns on either side of my arm. Then as I attempted to put my boots on before I left for work the zipper on my left boot would not zip up. I struggled with it for ten minutes before giving up and putting on some less comfortable shoes. Then because of the boot struggle I was late leaving for work. The next horrible event happened when I was driving to work. However that story will not be told because it is incredibly embarrassing. I did tell Ellie, but only because she's been in similars situations, so she understands. Then when I got to work the stupid dst people kept sending me the accounts I already finished on Friday and it was so annoying. Which means nothing to anyone but me, but trust me it's annoying. Then later in the day there was another embarrassing event, and again I will not describe it. Sometimes I just have to wonder about my intelligence. And finally on my drive home everyone decided to drive under the speed limit. That is my absolute favorite thing to happen, but since that happens daily I guess I can't blame it on my horrible day. Thus concludes my bad day. Mostly I've just been grumpy so everything seems worse than it is. I blame the weather.

2006-11-08T17:36:00.000-08:00

I am currently watching America's Next Top Model (because I'm awesome) and the guy's name who's helping with this weeks shoot is Shane Hillyer. How exciting in a not really exciting way!

2006-11-06T14:45:00.000-08:00

Today at work I had to do this weird Anti-Money Laundering course where basically I just had to read tips on how to detect money laundering and what to do if I find out a client is laundering money. My favorite tip on how to spot a money launderer was : "Client is quick to volunteer that the money is not being laundered." I laughed at that for the rest of the day. Now I know what not to do if ever I want launder my money.

2006-10-30T17:48:00.000-08:00

Last night while I was typing away on my laptop a spider crawled across the keys. So I threw it across the room. My laptop.....across the room. Don't worry though, it landed safely on my hardwood floors. As I am now currently once again typing away you've probably realized that it survived the excitement. The good news is I didn't even notice that I threw my laptop until after I had killed the spider and screamed for like five minutes. That's what adults do, right?

2006-10-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm tired y'all! I'm so tired! Five in the morning is the most unholy of hours. It's barely even light out by the time I get to work. It's so depressing. On the bright side, I do think I'm going to like my job. It's sort of complicated but I think I'll figure it out quickly enough. The people I work with are really nice. It's only been a day, but so far I'm pleased. And on that note I'm going to go to bed now, at 6 at night. I'm so tired!

2006-10-07T14:39:00.000-07:00

Here's a picture of my new used car. It's a 2002 Dodge Intrepid. What you might notice right away is that it's kind of a boat. It's really quite long. But I really love it. It has a sun roof. I love it!

2006-10-04T15:28:00.000-07:00

I got a job. I start at State Farm on Monday. That's the good news. Here's the bad news. I have to be there at 7. Seven in the morning!!! It's in bloomington, I'm in Pontiac. I'm gonna have to leave at like 6. In the morning! Man, I am not a morning person, and waking up when it's still dark out is not my cup of tea. Still it will be nice to be working and having something to do with my days again. So that's all from me for now. I will update you next week and let you know how I like it.

2006-09-16T16:17:00.000-07:00

Well I'm left all alone in Pontiac and have come to the realization that I no longer know a soul in this town. So I am left with two choices: 1. Wallow in despair and slowly succumb to maddness, or 2. Find out what my old high school friends are up to and force them to love me again. For one whole month I tried number one, but that got boring so I gave the second choice a try. Actually thanks to myspace my old highschool friends have found me. Whenever someone from high school finds me they always send me a message basically saying how different I look. I don't know, I think I look exactly the same. What do you think:

By the way, I picked the least embarrassing picture I could find. And for a reference just scroll down and see the two of us in present day.

2006-09-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

My sister is coming to visit me for a couple of days, so I decided I would make a couple of her favorite desserts. Good idea, right? No, bad idea! I can't do anything right. The first attempt: tapioca pudding from scratch. What I made: tapioca solid mass. In my experience you don't usually have to eat pudding with a fork! Second attempt: chocolate cake, not from scratch, but from a box. That seems hard to mess up, but I managed. I opened up the cake mix and it exploded. It went everywhere! On the counter, on the floor, on me, it was a huge disaster. I'm not giving up, however. Tomorrow morning I will buy more cake mix and I will make a wonderful cake! Then I will have my sister show me how to properly make the pudding and it will be the same as if I made it for her. Now I have to go clean up the chocolate catastrophe in my kitchen.

2006-08-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

Ah, So You Think You Can Dance is over. Benji won which is good, but I'm still sad that Travis didn't. I don't know what I'll do on Wednesday nights now. And don't even think about suggesting that I get a life because I refuse to do that!

2006-08-11T10:02:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of pictures of me and Melissa Kay. We're gorgeous!!

Could we be anymore adorable? I don't remember why, but we thought two random flowers would really make these pictures look good. Clearly it worked.

2006-08-04T17:37:00.000-07:00

While just trying to explain the premise of this story to my sisters we all three started crying. Sure, we may be babies, but you try not tearing up while reading this story. If you have a soul it's not possible!

Love You Forever

A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "This kid is driving me CRAZY!" But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. he grew until he was nine years old. And he never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo! But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

The boy grew. he grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo! But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

That teenager grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son and said, "You better come see me because I'm very old and sick." So her son came to see her. When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always....But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:
I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My Mommy you'll be.

When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping. He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he sang:
I'll love you forever I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living My baby you'll be.

by Robert Munsch

Okay I admit it, I'm just a big baby. Don't judge me!!

2006-08-02T13:42:00.000-07:00

What a good day for baby news. Today Lindsey became a first time aunt and Dara found out that she is having a girl. And in other baby news my nephew is as cute as ever. I personally believe that Gavin is the cutest baby alive, but I suppose that's a matter of opinion. Oh well, yay for babies!

2006-07-31T21:46:00.000-07:00

Why the long absence? No reason, just sheer blog laziness. I've been in Tennessee now for a little over a week. I'll be returning to good ol' Illinois on Sunday. Upon my return I will immediately sink into a deep depression as Elinor will be remaining in Tennessee and we will no longer be living together. And as I am way too attached to my sister I will suffer from major withdrawal. It's quite sad really. Everyone feel sorry for me. What keeps me going is the fact that the so you think you can dance tour will be in Chicago on September 22 and I will be there because I have recently become obsessed with that show. However I still have a week left to hang out with my sister and I'll just think about that for now. So far I have quite enjoyed Nashville. Yesterday we went to the zoo with our friend Stephanie, and everyone knows how much I enjoy the zoo. My favorite thing I saw was the anaconda. It was huge! And just half the size they normally grow to be. Which is weird because gigantic snakes don't scare me, but tiny little spider make me cry. They felt it was necessary to have a little exhibit of poisonous spiders commonly found in Tennessee. Thanks a lot Nashville zoo, now I'm not going to sleep for the rest of the week. And on that note I'm going to end this because I am genuinely too lazy to write out anything interesting. So my blog isn't funny this week. Deal with it people! I'm not made of funny!

2006-07-06T18:45:00.000-07:00

Is there anything better than holding the one you love and watching So You Think You Can Dance? I submit that there is not. By the way I am holding my kitten Dreyfuss right now. I refuse to love actual human beings. I named him Dreyfuss because he bares a striking resemblence to the actor Richard Dreyfuss. Trust me it's possible.

Earlier tonight I got a phone call and it was from some lady taking a survey. She was like "can I talk to a male between the ages of 18-34?" So I said, "No, there's no man here. I'm single. Rub it in! Why don't you just call me up and ask me why I'm not having children yet? Sheesh!" I didn't really say that, I just stopped at no. But how funny would it have been if I had said that?

My neighbor's have been quiet for a week. I'm beginning to wonder if they're dead. If they are, I'm really gonna need to look for an alibi. Cause who's going to believe I didn't murder them. I have not been quiet with my opinion. Mandy, Heidi, sorry you guys didn't get to meet them while you were here. They were on vacation for the 4th. Probably in Tennessee having incestuous relations with their relatives........I'm a horrible person.

2006-07-03T20:10:00.000-07:00

I had a lot of fun in Chicago this weekend. I'm too tired to type out any details, but rest assured we all had fun.

2006-06-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

To do list for upcoming week:
-Continue stalking kittens
-Find where mom cat moved kittens in an attempt to prevent my stalking
-Turn 25
-Get alarmingly drunk
-Pass out and hope to wake up 3 years in the past
-Kill neighbors
-Make hillbilly stew
-Invite friends over for dinner

2006-06-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

So it's father's day and my awesome neighbors have decided to throw the traditional father's day party. Complete with hillbilly relatives and blaring music. But today, in the spirit of such an important holiday, we were not blessed with country music. Instead we got to listen to the sounds of loud obnoxious 80's metal. For four freaking hours! Jealous? Of course you are. You're only human. I keep forgetting to tell my garbage man to pick up the white trash that lives next to me. And yes, I have decided to devote my blog entirely to complaining about my neighbors. Deal with it.

2006-06-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

It's 11:00 at night, it's pitch black out and I've got nothing to do. Hhmm, maybe I'll do what my neighbor's are doing and mow my lawn! That's right. My neighbor's decided last night that the best time to mow their lawn was in the middle of the night. My hillbilly neighbors are so weird! Luckily the country music has been turned down because my other neighbors have started yelling at them. Of course those are the neighbors that sit around their bonfire everynight yelling "git-r-done." Seriously. I'm actually not sure that I left Tennesee. Do I still live in the South? My neighbors seem to think so. By the way, I think I might stab the next person I hear say git-r-done. Or just look at them with an expression on my face that isn't very nice. Whatever.

2006-06-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

I am fully aware that I suck at blogging. When was the last time my posts were longer than 3 sentences long? I don't even know. Luckily today I have much to discuss. I have exciting news. I have kittens! Or more precisely the cat that lives in my back yard that I feed even though she refuses to be nice to me had kittens. I think there are only three but they live under my stairs and I can't get to them. So like the mentally healthy person that I am I sit at my back door and stare outside waiting for them to crawl out. Then I grab them and force them to love me. So far it hasn't worked, but I refuse to give up. If anyone wants a soon to be friendly kitten just let me know. Mandy? Allison? I'm giving away two so that's one for each of you. I know how you both love cats.

On to other topics. My hilliblly neighbors are testing my patience and I have grown to hate them completely. Every night from 5 to 11 they sit out in their back yard and blare their country music. Every single night! They drive me crazy. If they're not blaring their music then they're yelling at their dogs "Stop barking! Stop barking!" The yelling on top of the barking on top of the music makes me want to hire some people to "take care of the problem." I hate them.

In sad news my sister and brother-in-law have gone back to Tennessee and have taken my nephew with them. I am heartbroken and will never recover. I miss him. He's the cutest baby in the whole world!

And finally, on Wednesday I will be visiting Missy. She has promised to throw a huge party including noise makers and one of those blow up bouncy castle things. It should be quite the shindig. Well that's all for now. I promise to post again as soon as possible..........in about a month.

2006-05-29T22:06:00.000-07:00

In exactly a month I'm going to "celebrate" the day I like to refer to as the day that marks me being another year closer to death. I'm going to be 25. There's no reason to live. Wheres my kayak? Where's my kayak!?!

2006-05-12T10:12:00.000-07:00

Today I leave for Florida where I will spend a week in Disney World. It is supposed to be in the 90s there. Take that Illinois!

2006-04-25T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'm an aunt! My little nephew was born this morning at 1:23 a.m. He is the cutest baby I've ever seen.

2006-04-23T20:09:00.004-07:00

Sorry I haven't been updating lately but my Grandma was on fire. Don't you wish your grandma was hot like mine?

2006-04-20T20:51:00.000-07:00

I'm so frustrated. Thanks to that stupid Heineken commercial I can't get that annoying Don't Cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me song out of my head. You know what Heineken? I don't wish my girlfriend was hot like you so get off my back!

2006-04-13T16:45:00.000-07:00

Today Ellie and I got rear ended by a semi driving bastard because all semi drivers are bastards. We were at a dead stop because of traffic and after about five minutes the guy decided he wanted to move up a little so he bumped us up. What a bastard. "Oooh I'm in a semi I can do whatever I want." Bastard.

2006-04-07T16:53:00.000-07:00

When will I update...hhmm.....Never! Haha suckas!!

2006-03-25T15:10:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I wonder why people let me be out in public. My friend Lauren (I've mentioned her many a time before) wanted to pick up something to drink after we went to dinner last night. Well she didn't know exactly what she was in the mood for so we were walking around the store looking at the selection when we came across a bottle called Hot Sex and without thinking I say out loud, "I think I've had Hot Sex before." Then because it sounded like I was making an obvious cheesy joke I added, "buhdump bump" Which is my way of typing out the drum sound that can be heard at the end of bad jokes. Well Lauren and I thought it was funny, but everyone else looked at me like I was insane (a good call really). She eventually decided on something called Pinky or something like that. It's a Vodka drink infused with pink flavors. Pink is a flavor now, trust me. When she went up to check out, the guy looked at her and said "So your getting some Pinky are ya?" Which just sounds weird, but she said yes. He then said "It's interesting stuff, have you looked at the ingredients? They make it with rose petals and other stuff." I took this as another moment to make a stupid joke. I said, "Well that's great because I usually just eat my roses plain, so it will be nice to drink them for a change." He did not find this funny at all. In fact I'm pretty sure he thought I was being serious. He just stared at me like I was the biggest weirdo he'd ever seen (another good call). I did clarify that I was joking, but he saw no humor in it. I just slowly backed to the door and tried not to look any weirder than I already did to him. Lauren was laughing hysterically, mostly at the expression on his face, but at least she got my joke. Moral of the story: if you go out with me in public be prepared to have at least one person stare at me like he did before the night is over. Consider yourself warned.

2006-03-21T19:35:00.000-08:00

I decided to do something really productive with my time this weekend. So I made the obvious choice and started reading The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. Jealous? I'm only on the second book, but so far I'm hooked. I read the first book then watched the corresponding movie. Then I thought I might need to get a life, but not until I finish my books.

I got a call from Dara and Dion this weekend. That was fun because I haven't talked to them in a long time. And yes they do put me on speakerphone so they can talk to me at the same time. They're funny people. I haven't been up to visit them since June and apparently that has caused them to miss me. They asked me to move up there and live with them. Like move into their house and live in the spare bedroom. I just laughed but they were being serious. They were like "We wouldn't charge rent or anything." I think absence has caused them to have an idealized view of me. I know I'm fun to be around, but I'm not so peachy to live with. I mean, Dara should know that. I told them I would think about it though, so who knows. Well I'm off, sadly I can't stand to be away from my book too long. I lead a sad life.

2006-03-14T13:51:00.000-08:00

The other day I found a website that asked people to finish the sentence "If I could change anything about myself, another person, or the world I live in it would be......" Some of the responses were pretty amusing so I had to share them. There were some serious ones, but where's the fun in that. Here are some of my favorites.

* i would change all the kethcup and mustard packets to mayonnaise w/ anchovie slices for a day....that would definitely freak ppl out
-p&p

*I would change dance videos. The lead singer bumps into people on the street, and they all start dancing the same moves. Maybe one person, but ten? I mean, c'mon, NO ONE knows all the steps by just being tapped by the lead singer's hips. I would have that person try to get people to dance, and those people would try to dance but end up tripping up the lead singer, so they would have to move on, leaving a big mess of twisted ankles and crying people.
-El numero cinco

Okay this one is hilarious: *If I could change anyone, I would change my ex-boyfriend. I would make him realize we're not together anymore, even though I still sleep with him and go on dates with him and hang out with him all day. Come on man, it's over.
-pookie

Is it over pookie? Is it? So funny.

* I would make all Tuesdays Topless day, unless you're ugly...cause no one wants to see that.
-Matty

Matty has high ambitions.

*I wish I was 10feet tall with red eyes and a big hairy body and I would breath Fire. Then I could run around a smash things and be like Grrrrrrrrrr roar and all the people they would be like ahhhhhh run away and I would be laughing......
-Chicken

*I wish I had a bigger pleasuring stick so women wouldn't laugh and walk away when I pull down my pants.
-Daniel

Wow. Poor Daniel.

And for the finale I found words of wisdom that every person on earth should live by......
*I would change all men who think they need a girl with giant boobs to be happy. All you need is a girl like Rachel. Perfect in every way.
-Odin the Shadow
Why thank you Odin. Quite genius. Hhmmm..Mrs. The Shadow. That has a nice ring to it.

2006-03-11T23:12:00.000-08:00

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, how's it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

2006-03-02T13:06:00.001-08:00

This past Sunday I went to Nashville to help my sister and brother-in -law move into their new apartment. What I ended up doing was setting up all of her baby stuff. It was so cute and I decided that I need to have a baby. For those of you who just passed out let me explain. If I had a baby, then my sister's baby would have a little cousin that he could grow up with and be lifelong friends with like my sisters and I had when we were growing up. How fun would that be?!

So this whole week it has been in the 70s which is really nice, but it kind of bums me out because I am going to be heading to Illinois on Saturday and I supsect that it is not quite that warm there. Please tell me it's been sunny and warm like summer up there too. Just lie if you have to. I hate leaving this warm weather! Maybe we can all meet up while I'm in Illinois. I'll bring Poncho along. He loves to travel.

2006-02-22T16:37:00.000-08:00

Whatever happened to the women's movement? In the sixties and seventies it was all "I am woman hear me roar." Nowadays it's more like "I am woman, hear me cook and clean. Please marry me!" What happened? I feel like we've taken a step back into the fifties. People look at me like I'm an old maid because I'm not married yet. I've still got plenty of time. Sheesh. In other news: I need a date. I don't want to die alone!

2006-02-08T12:51:00.000-08:00

It's a boy! My sister's having a boy! I'm gonna be an uncle!

2006-01-31T17:51:00.000-08:00

More adventures from down south. I should warn you this is yet another story of my time spent with Lindsey. We don't need to get to know more people! Well tonight we decided to go out for a night on the town. Our typical night on the town is usually just going to starbucks, but tonight we saw a Chili's and decided to stop and get a couple of adult type drinks first. We debated on whether or not to go because, well we did not look our best. We weren't planning on going inside anywhere so we did not bother to fancy up the baggy shirts and no make up looks we were sporting. A needless worry as it turns out, because I have my faithful followers and nothing I do can discourage their affection. I should clarify that by faithful followers I am referring to dirty old men. They love me. This man, probably in his forties, came up to me just as we were getting ready to leave and was like, hey there can I buy you a drink? I was just like, darn the luck, we're just leaving. Then he decides to still ask my name and I gave it to him (full name and address of course) then he's like well I'm Poncho, have a good night. Really? Poncho? Apparantly he was ready to protect me from rainy weather. To make a long story short you are all invited to the wedding of Rachel Hillyer and Poncho McJacket.

2006-01-23T08:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when you live in a small town you get really bored and find really weird things to do to entertain yourself. Whenever Lindsey and I get bored we like to send weird emails or leave weird messages on people's phones. I have no idea why we find this so amusing, but it never fails to leave us rolling on the ground in laughter. While looking through some old emails, Ellie found one that we sent her last year. It is just so beautiful that I feel it is my duty to share it. So here it is.

"This is Lindsey, I have 5 babies. Rachel is their godmother. A FAIRY GODMOTHER! (not the gay kind). She grants my children wishes! (and their mother :D) She turned me into a PUMPkin (insert voice inflection). One of my babies is a DRAGON!! He breathes fire and worst of all, he eats pumpkins. I'm afraid for my life because he never listens to me when I tell him to quit biting my arm. Do you want dragon babies? Do you want to be a pumpkin? Then get yourself your own fairy Godmother.

Sincerely,
Boogers and Rupert"

I was Boogers, she was Rupert. Now I don't actually remember taking drugs, but that is the only explanation for that nonsense. Before you judge remember what I said..........small town.........boredom.

In other news, I have a serious case of Nintendo thumb today. This comes from playing Mario tennis all weekend with Lauren, Lindsey and Ellie. I refuse to believe that we need to get out more.

2006-01-18T08:11:00.000-08:00

Well the weather has finally started to cool down a bit. Yesterday it rained a little. And by a little I mean I had to build an arc and gather up two of every animal. It poured down rain the entire day and I thought I was going to drown every time I stepped outside, and of course yesterday had to be the day when I had to be running around outside. I think what my made my day was when I was attacked by a squirrel. Well perhaps not attacked, but it did scare the crap out of me. I was just walking down the street minding my business when this squirrel jumped out from behind a bush. It jumped right in front of me arms in the air, like a person would do if they were trying to scare someone. And I swear when I screamed, that squirrel laughed as it ran away. But I had the last laugh by not inviting the squirrel onto my arc. I've been trying to call Missy for several days now and have yet to get a hold of her. She conveniently misses my calls and conveniently calls me back when I'm not around. I'm beginning to think that I've been replaced and that she's secretly calling another best friend behind my back. So I'm going to use this opportunity to let you know, I'm on to you Missy!

2006-01-13T12:48:00.000-08:00

Friday the 13th. Scary. Beware!

2006-01-10T20:28:00.000-08:00

I'm back in Tennessee for one day and already I miss Illinois. I am SO moving back to the north. People here are soooo weird. Today Lindsey and I were going to Target and on the way there we noticed that one of the doors in the back was open a little, so I decided to crawl back and close it. Right when I started to crawl back a car full of weird hicks came up right beside her car and just stared at me while I moved back. Then, they were like cheering and one of them pulled out a dollar and started waving it at me. I don't even know what that means! I was just crawling in the back seat, it did not merit any sort of cheering or money. And I think the person with the money was a lady. Stupid state. Then on the way back some guy in a truck kept honking and waving at us. What!? Don't wave at me, I don't know you! Weirdos. Also, it's like summer weather here. Why is it so warm in January? I just got like 5 new sweaters. I need cold weather! I put on a sweatshirt today and almost died from the heat. Ugh, stupid weather. On a sad note, today I had to say good bye to my friend Fergeson. For those of you who don't know, I was hamster-sitting for a friend and today she came and took him back. It broke my heart. That hamster and I had a bond. And, no, I do not need to get a life. Before I go I would like say hello to Heidi. I promised to write a poem in her honor because she finally has the internet now and can read my blog, but nothing rhymes with Heidi, except for maybe flighty and I just don't where to go with that. So she just gets a hello. And a bye because I'm done.

2006-01-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

The first post of the new year, how very exciting. Or not exciting at all. I feel like since there's been such a long absence since my last post I should update everyone on all my thrilling adventures. So here it goes.....I'm done. My life's not thrilling! Although I did take an exciting trip to the booming metropolis that is Plano Illinois. I finally went to visit Missy and Jake and their new home, very nice. We got a lovely tour of the town. And by tour I mean their church and a pizza place. I think that may have been all Missy knew of the town. We'll actually be heading back that way tomorrow. Maybe I'll have more to post after that, but as of right now I have nothing left to share. Happy New Year and all that good stuff.

2005-12-28T15:48:00.000-08:00

I refuse to update. Take that!

2005-12-14T20:17:00.000-08:00

This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.

2005-12-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

One of my friends received a Chippendales calendar for Christmas. Okay ladies, I'm taking a poll. Chippendale dancers: sexy or gay? She thinks sexy, I think gay. I was going to attach a picture of one them in case you don't know who I'm talking about, but I couldn't go through with it. Look it up on your own.

2005-12-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

Do you remember in high school how you'd always get those forwarded surveys in your email. Your friend would send you a little "all about me" then at the end it would be like, fill this out about you and send it back to me. I used to get about three a week. I was like "I think y'all get the picture by now, sheesh." I remember once I got one that was blank and you sent it to your friends so that they had to fill it out about you. I sent one to Missy and one of the questions was "Which celebrity am I most like?" I swear to you she replied: Rosie O'Donnell. So apparently in Missy's world I'm a fat cranky lesbian. Thanks for that. Anyhoo, in the past few years I haven't seen these types of surveying emails and was greatly relieved. I thought such lameness was gone. I was wrong. Now the new the thing to do is to take the survey and put it on your blog, xanga, myspace, whatever. I've seen it popping up in alarming numbers and I say to you people. Stop, we've seen these surveys hundreds of times. It is no longer new and interesting. No more surveys. Oh well. On a completely unrelated topic someone sent me a questionnaire. It appears as if someone needs me to tell little facts about myself. Well I'm never one to let down a person in need, so here's the finished product of said questionnaire.

Three Names you go by:
1. Rachel
2. Rach
3. Rosie O'Donnell

Three Parts of Your Heritage
1. I
2. Don't
3. Know

Three Things That Scare You
1. Spiders
2. Cotton Balls
3. Vegetarians

Three of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Internet
2. Caffeine
3. Bubbleyum Bubblegum

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Shoes
2. Socks
3. A Smile

Three of Your Favorite Songs - at the moment
1. Dirty Little Secrets- All American Rejects
2. You're Beautiful-James Blunt
3. Blue Bayou- Roy Orbison

Three Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Laughter
2. Money
3. and Honey

Three PHYSICAL Things about the Opposite Sex that Appeal to You.
1. Eyes
2. Elbows
3. and a Handlebar Mustache

Three of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Reading
2. Doing drugs
3. Knitting sweaters for my cats

Three Things You want to do really badly right now
1. Sleep
2. Get out of the South
3. Sleep

Three Places You Want to go
1. New York City
2. Omaha
3. Disney World

Three Ways that you are stereotypically a Girl
1. I cry a lot
2. I don't know anything about cars
3. I have breasts

Three Ways that you are NOT stereotypically a Girl
1. I don't drink
2. I don't swear
3. I don't rat my hair

2005-11-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

One traffic ticket- $75
Fees for towing services-$115
Sliding into a ditch one hour into a ten hour drive- priceless

Yes, that's right, we ran into a minor snaffoo on the way back to Tennessee yesterday. The weather could not have been more rainy and more windy. Bellie was driving and hit a very slick spot on the road and hit her brakes and that was it. We spun around and landed in a ditch facing the opposite direction. We were fine, and the car was fine, but it was still slightly unnerving. Someone saw it and called the cops. Luckily the cop was a total jerk making the uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable. He yelled at my crying sister about her bad driving choices. He was like "you're the fifth car we've had to pull out of the ditch today." Like it's our fault the crappy weather made for too slick roads. He called a tow truck and gave my sister a ticket for "improper lane usage". Then he had to leave because someone else slid into a pole like five feet up the road. The time between when he left and the tow truck came was the freakiest. When the police car was there with the lights on everyone was driving like two past us, after he left everyone drove like 100 miles an hour. And everyone was sliding back and forth on the same slick spot Bellie hit. I was positive someone else was going to spin out and land on top of us in the ditch. Luckily nothing happened and the tow truck guy came and got us in about a minute. Then $200 and one hour later we were on our way. We called our parents and they freaked out. All of their daughters (including my pregnant older sister) were in the car, so they were slightly worried until we finally made it back safe and sound. Now I'm a little more nervous to drive in rain, but we're all okay and that's what's important.

2005-11-21T17:39:00.000-08:00

Historical revisionists will shock the world with the revelation that Fuzzy Wuzzy was not a bear who had no hair, but instead was a cruel dictator who murdered his own people.

2005-11-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

"How do you know so much about Oops I Crapped My Pants?"
-"Because I'm wearing them, and I just did."

Have you ever been so annoyed with someone that you just wanted to complain about them on your blog, but you can't because you know that person reads your blog, so instead you leave an ambiguous message leaving everyone you know to wonder if you're annoyed with them? Have you ever done that? Not me, I would never do that. I love you all.

2005-11-09T20:19:00.000-08:00

So I wrote out this really long post then decided it was long and boring. Turns out I can ramble on forever and not really have anything interesting to say. So I'm not going to write anything. Well, other than these sentences. You know what? Maybe y'all should entertain me. That's right, the tables have turned. Okay, that doesn't even make sense. I need to get more sleep.

2005-11-03T20:28:00.000-08:00

Well I have been sufficiently repremanded for my week long absence from the blogger world. I apologize to anyone who repeatedly checked this only to find my hump, my hump, over and over again. What have I been up to you ask? I've been up to a lot, but I don't feel like typing it all out, so I'll just discuss some highlights. And by highlights I mean stuff that won't take too long to type out. Let's start at the beginning of the week shall we. Well monday was Halloween, a festive holiday, so to celebrate my friend Lindsey decided to send me a festive email. Through this email I have discovered that I do not like surprises. This is what the email was. It said to click on the attached link then look at the two pictures and find the 3 things that are different in them. So while I'm staring as closely at the stupid screen as I can with the volume of my speakers up high trying to find the supposed differences, the face of sheer evil pops up on my screen joined with loud demonic screeching. I handled the situation the same way any mature adult would handle it. I screamed hysterically turned off my entire computer and proceeded to run around the room screaming nonstop for about three minutes. Then I didn't get back on my computer for two days because of the memory. I did make my sister send Missy the email so that I could share the lovely experience. Unfortunately Missy couldn't get the link to work so she never got to see it, so I just told her what it was. If any of you would like me to send it to you so you can make fun of me just let me know. You know you want to see the face of sheer evil. Now that it's November the halloween season is over and it's time to think about Thanksgiving. Most people skip right over Thanksgiving and move on to Christmas, but I am not one of those people. I like to thoroughly enjoy every holiday. I did however put up some Christmas lights, buy some eggnogg and watch Holiday Inn. So I cheated a little on my nothing Chrismassy until after Thanksgiving rule, but it won't go any farther. Oh and in my very first blogaroo I mentioned that I was going to start reading Gone With the Wind, well that was two months ago but I didn't start reading it until last week but I've finished now and I really liked it. Now I want to watch the movie because I've never seen it. Hhhmmm.....I feel as if I am now just starting to ramble incoherently. I should end this now. Just one last thing, I love bats!

2005-10-26T19:54:00.000-07:00

Some people think that true poetry is dead and that nothing can compare to the classics. And some people also think that communing with the spirits of the dead is impossible. I think those people are wrong and here's my proof. Just read this poetry:

"What you gon’ do with all that junk?All that junk inside your trunk? I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,Get you love drunk off my hump. My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps.

They say I’m really sexy,The boys they wanna sex me.They always standing next to me,Always dancing next to me,Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump. Lookin’ at my lump, lump. U can look but you can’t touch it, If u touch it I’ma start some drama, You don’t want no drama, No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama So don’t pull on my hand boy,You ain’t my man, boy, I’m just tryn’a dance boy, And move my hump."

Just try and tell me that William Shakespeare didn't come back from the dead just one night to write these incredibly romantic lyrics for the Black Eyed Peas! Come on, this is clearly the work of Mr. Billy Shakespeare! Ah yes, gone are the days of "shall I compare thee to a summer's day, thou art more lovely and more temperate." Now we have "what you gon' do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?" Oh well, out with the old and in with the new. And in the spirit of this new age of such deep romance, I have to decided to write in advance the vows that I will be exchanging with the future Mr. Rachel on our wedding day based on the lines from our generation's poetry.
Him: "Girl, you looks good, won't you back that thang up. You'se a big fine woman, won't you back that thang up."
Me:" Of course I will back my thang up. I'll back it up forever, but....I need fifty dollars to make you hollar, I get paid to do the wild thing!"
Because on my wedding day I will apparantly use the occasion to announce that I'm a hooker. Okay if anyone is still wondering, yes I have completely lost my mind. Although I'm sure by now, no one had any doubt about that.

2005-10-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

2005-10-14T21:08:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty good week. It's a shame it's over. On wednesday I went shopping with my mom and my sisters. I got a new sweatshirt. Very exciting. I live for sweatshirts. Then on thursday my sisters and I went and got our hair cut. We refuse to do anything separate. I was fairly disappointed though and here's why.....When the lady was cutting my sisters' hair this is what she kept saying "I can't believe how thick your hair is. It's so thick!" Then I went last and this is what she said "I can't believe how how fine and thin your hair is. I mean, it is really thin!" Seriously, she just could not get over how thin my hair is. I now have a complex that I am going bald. I told my mom I need to buy rogain and she just told me I'm crazy. Which is fine because I am crazy. Then after we got our hair done we all went with Goldie for her first baby doctor appointment (and yes "baby doctor" is the technical term). While we were in the waiting room I ran into my friend Sarah. And I knocked her right over. Okay, probably nobody got that or thought that was funny, but I'm laughing hysterically so that's all that matters. In actuality I did not knock her over because she is nine months pregnant, so we just talked. She is pregnant with her third kid. She is my age and she now has three kids! I just could not believe it. Her mom and one of her little girls was with her. The oldest wasn't there because she was in preschool. Sarah did not start having kids until 2 years after we graduated highschool. How is her daughter already 4?! I'm so old. I just cannot believe how old I am! Her youngest daughter Alyssa was there and just cute as a button. Apparantly she just recently got a stuffed cat and Sarah told me Alyssa named it Puss Puss. I guess she just runs up to strangers and asks them "Do you want to pet my puss puss?" I laughed hysterically at that too. Today we went shopping again and I got some new shoes. They're super cute. Too bad none of you will ever see them because I never see anyone anymore. Except for Missy, and she did see them. But she didn't notice that I hacked off all my hair! Way to go Missy! After shopping Missy met up with us and we went to a movie. We saw The Fog. It was a lot like the original except creepier. It was good movie but the ending was dumb and too abrupt. Oh and today is my sister's birthday so Happy Birthday Goldie! Just like the movie, the ending to this is going to be dumb and too abrupt.

2005-10-10T19:22:00.000-07:00

I lied. I'm home and I will not write more. Haha suckers! I should point out that I have not been drinking.

2005-10-06T03:50:00.000-07:00

I need a vacation! Oh wait, I'm taking one. Starting tomorrow. Yay! I'm coming home! I'll write more when I'm home. Hopefully I'll get to see everyone in the short time I'm home. how many times can I use the word home?...................home.

2005-10-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

Hail, hail, the gang's all here! Or at least they were. I could not have had a better weekend. I have been so incredibly bored this past month, so it was just fantastic to have all my friends here again. Not only did Lele and Steph stay with me, but Liz came down too and we had a blast. On friday we just hung out all day talking up a storm then went down to the docks and smoked cigars. It was like the most fun I've ever had. Then on saturday afternoon we went to a soccer game and it was like 100 degrees out and I almost died. We decided to have a big girls night out so we went to Olive Garden. It was just a big gaggle of girls. There were like ten of us just hanging out. The entire restaurant was staring at us the whole time we were there. Some of the girls orderd drinks. I, however, did not. The waitress did make sure to ask me who was driving home because she wanted to make sure I wasn't driving because she apparantly thought I was drunk. I was drinking peach tea! And the girls who did have a drink all ordered like one glass of wine. I was so insulted. Mostly because I wasn't drinking at all and I was the one who she thought was drunk. Of course she might have gotten that impression if she saw me fall off the bench in the waiting area outside. I thought I had more room to scoot over.....I was wrong. I fell over and dropped the pager and everyone laughed at me. Nothing new for me though. I'm such a clutz. Then we went to the walking bridge and some midget with a limp tried joining our group. How do I always meet these people? On Sunday everyone had to leave and my heart was broken. However I am coming to Illinois in just 4 days and it cannot come soon enough. I need a break from Tennessee. Well that's all for me right now. Hopefully, I'll see y'all in four days!

2005-09-30T09:51:00.000-07:00

Alias premiered last night. If they seriously killed Vaughn off the show I will never watch that show again. Ever! I'm so mad. Althouh if he does die he will be the first person to actually stay dead on that show. Oh well, on to real life news. My friend Stephie is staying with me this weekend, so for once I will not be bored out of my mind on the weekend. Very exciting. I might actually get out of this horribly boring town too. My sister even has the day off tomorrow night. That's a first, so I might actually see her for more than five minutes. What a good weekend! So as I was typing this little post there was a knock at my door. To my complete surprise my friend Leanne was at my door! She came all the way from Florida. Needless to say I was completely shocked. This is now 5 1/2 hours later, but I just thought I would finally finish this. I'm finally going to have something to do. Celebrate good times!

2005-09-25T19:05:00.000-07:00

Weekend report: I have done absolutely nothing of significance. I'm so bored. In these times of such boredom I begin to contemplate the little things in life that make me happy. So I figured I could share some of these things with you.

Funny Quotes:
"I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment" even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call it a "speech improvement", and I go up to the guy and say, "Hey, Bob, I like your speech improvement." I think this makes him feel better."

"If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine."

"When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet, I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again, louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me."

"If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking and laughing and say, "Well, technically that's illegal." It might fit in with what somebody just said. And even if it doesn't, so what, I hate this stupid party."

Those were all deep thoughts from Jack Handy. I love that stuff. It doesn't make sense!

2005-09-20T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ode To My Sunglasses

Oh my big sunglasses, you were fantastic
you covered my eyes with pieces of plastic

The pressure of your job was too much to take
and you let the sun's gazing fire cause you to break

Oh my big sunglasses you will greatly be missed
I have to buy a new pair, so now I'm just pissed

Rachel's Sunglasses
RIP
May 2005 - September 2005

That is right folks, my sunglasses broke yesterday. The funny thing about it is how they broke. I didn't drop them or sit on them or anything like that. I was just wearing them when suddenly a screw popped out, one of the frames snapped in half and a lens fell out. I wasn't even moving. Apparantly I didn't get the memo that told me my sunglasses would self destruct four months after purchased. Oh well, such is life. I'm in a bad mood today so I'm going to go sit around and be cranky and snap at anyone who attempts to talk to me. That should cheer me up.

2005-09-17T17:16:00.000-07:00

"Humidity's rising
Barometer's getting low
According to all sources
The street's the place to go

'Cos tonight for the first time
At just about half past ten
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining men

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen
It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men, Amen
I'm gonna go out
I'm gonna let myself get
Absolutely soaking wet

It's raining men
Hallelujah it's raining men
Every specimen
Tall blond dark and mean
Rough and tough and strong and lean

God bless Mother Nature
She's a single woman too
She took on a heaven
And she did what she had to do
She taught every angel
To rearrange the sky
So that each and every woman
Could find her perfect guy

It's raining men
Go get yourself wet girl
I know you want to

I feel stormy weather moving in
About to begin
Hear the thunder
Don't you lose your head
Rip off the roof and stay in bed

It's raining men Hallelujah
It's raining men, Amen
It's raining men Hallelujah
It's raining men, Amen"

What beautiful words of wisdom. Rip off the roof and stay in bed ladies! That's my advice for you this weekend.

2005-09-12T23:41:00.000-07:00

Save The Last Dance was on t.v. last night, so of course I had to watch it. I love that movie. It makes me think about when I went to see it in theaters with Allison on her 19th birthday (Yikes! that was so long ago), and the lady sitting next to me talked on her cell phone for almost the whole movie. I'll never forget it because it was when I almost committed my first murder. As loud as she could speak she was like "Hey! Where you at? I'm at the movies." (waiting for response) "Save the last dance." (apparantly the person was deaf and could not hear here) "I said.....(even louder) Save the Last Dance!" Who does that? Come on! But I digress, as I really wanted to talk about how much I love the movie. It always makes me want to get up and dance. It also makes me wish I was a good dancer, but I don't think having exactly one dance move qualifies me as a good dancer. But I make my one dance move work by making slight alterations. Sometimes my hands are over my head, sometimes they're by my side. I'm so good! In other news, out of completely nowhere I got a bloody nose tonight. It was gushing so bad I thought someone had run up and punched me in the face and ran away without me noticing. There was so much blood all over my face and body it was so gross. My friend Lauren wanted me run out and find a group of people and yell "I'm Hemorrhaging!", then fall over and pretend to pass out. She figured there was so much blood it would freak people out pretty good. She is just that twisted. Unfortunately I thought I really was dying so I couldn't make much light of the situation. Her joke did keep me from completely freaking out though, so that's good. I do not handle blood well. That's pretty much all I have to say about my day. I'm probably going to go to bed now because it's almost midnight and usually I've been in bed for two hours by now. I'm such a grandma! I'll probably knit me a pillow case really quickly before I go to sleep. Then maybe I'll knit me up a little sweater vest to wear tomorrow. Sweater vests are still in, right?

2005-09-08T13:00:00.000-07:00

Here's what I don't like about this town. There is nothing to do here except sit around and get fat. Seriously, I get so bored here that I just sit around and eat out of boredom just to pass time. Which is fun, because it has become my life's greatest hope to become a big fat tub of goo. Hopefully soon I will become so large that I will no longer be able to walk, but instead have to fall over on my side and have oompa loompas roll me around from place to place. I have been getting some exercise in, however. I have been spending a lot of my free time playing DDR with some of my buddies here. That's dance dance revolution for those of you who aren't in the know. I swore I would never play that weird game and now I can't quit. Of course now I can take the skills I've learned from that game to be a part of next season's So You Think You Can Dance. And yes, I do watch that show. I love dancing! Next season I'm going to take America by storm with my skills of dancing on four arrows. Don't be jealous. I just had a funny thought. I am currently drinking Cherry Coke. Okay that's not so much funny as just a random thought of irony that popped into my head. Has anyone ever attempted to type the word popped and then realized that they typed the word pooped and then laughed like a 8 year old at the mistake? No? Just me? Okay then. Well on that weird note, I shall go. My oompa loompas are getting tired of holding my fat body up so I can type.

2005-09-02T16:58:00.000-07:00

Oh the pressure! I read Mandy's blog and she said I was hilarious. I feel so special. Now I have to work to be hilarious so I don't disappoint anyone. I am of course just joking, I am naturally hilarious. Right now I am in Nashville visiting my sister and her husband. We spent thirty dollars on a half tank of gas which was fun. Then while at the gas station some guy came up and asked us if we had some money for gas. I don't know why he's driving around if he can't afford gas, but we gave him five bucks. It's all we had on us. I'm guessing he used that one gallon of gas he was able to purchase to drive to the next gas station down the street and ask for more money. I'm so glad I could help. After that adventure we went inside to use the bathroom and as we were washing our hands an old lady in the last stall started shouting "Hello! Hello! Is anyone in here?!" I was nervous to help her with any problem she might be having in a bathroom stall but I did reassure her that I was in there. Then she just walked out of the stall and said "Oh I thought I was stuck in there, I couldn't turn the lock. I'm okay now." Then she proceeded to wash her hands. I'm not sure what's wrong with the people in that town, but I left quickly before another strange person asked me for help. My sister gave us (by the way Ellie was with me) the wrong directions so we ended up going 40 minutes out of our way. Which is fine because it's not like gas is expensive so wasting it is not a problem. But we got here and I should probably spend time with my hosts now. I just wanted to post something because Missy accused me of being "too cooooo to write in the blog again." I don't want anyone to think that I believe myself to be too coooo, so here ya go.